30 in 30 III - 10 - Beware the Ides+3 of June

[aggienaut]

   Two days ago, someone was mugged in Inglewood. Once the blood was scrubbed off the sidewalk, the following was found to be written:

   This, apparently, is not some blog prank like I myself originally thought, but a true story.

   So I've got eight days left to live, what to do? Well, first off its really a shame for my life to be cut short like this... I mean in order to finish 30 in 30 now I'm going to have to write all my entries before the 18th and post-date the remaining 12.

   What else to do with my remaining eight days of life?

1. Well... fuck finals!!!
2. Convert to as many religions as I can simulteniously belong to. Protestantism should be easy, all I have to do is proclaim that I agree that this guy Jesus died so that his father would go easy on us; as far as I can tell there's nothing invalidating one's protestant status really in following the requirements of conversion to Catholicism, which I think involves taking a bath or something. Then there's Islam: (a) Proclaim there is no God but Allah (easy, he's the same God the other monotheists believe in, and they don't care what I call him), (b) and Mohammed is his prophet (sure why not. Also not actually mutually exclusive with the Christian requirements), and then pray several times a day (hey I can do it on the last day and get out of too much of this). shid informs me it takes a year to become a Morman & nine months to become Jewish so I guess those are out. Scientology just requires money, but.. ugh no.
3. I leave my livejournal to Bailey. He'll probably put it to better use than me anyway.
4. Who knows where my soul will go, but I give Mitchell Schwartz's soul (which I bought in math class in HS for a sheet of graph paper) to shid, and Lacy LeMaster's soul (cute goth girl, soul bought in English class for two sheet's of normal paper) to Rob Pedersen (stunman).

   Entry of the Day: You know what? Like I said, I ain't gonna bullshit you. I mean there were some decent entries today, but nothing spectacular. Instead, I give you an entry I should have linked to yesterday, a post from three years ago, Kristy getting attacked by wasps!!

Previously on Emosnail
   Three Years Ago Today: On Getting Jumped - Leads on who those dastards were. Not that Officer Chang gives a rats ass.
   Year Ago Today: Pictures of Shiznaz - For 30 in 30 II Entry 10 I decide just to take a bunch of pictures of random shiznaz in my room.

PS: I saw someone wearing a "Go Pre!" shirt in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day. I found this suprising since its been some 31 years since Prefontaine died.

Comments

[shid.livejournal.com]

Technically the muslim faith also denys Jesus' divinity, dying on the cross and the virgin birth; so it really is hard to be a Catholic and a Muslim at the same time.

Mitchell's Soul

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

well they may deny his divinity all they want, but what I heard is all you needed to do to become Muslem was declare "There is no God but Allah & Mohammed is his Prophet," ... and everything else is just technicial stuff.

So what are you going to do with Mitchell's soul?

Re: Mitchell's Soul

[shid.livejournal.com]

Bind it to a summoning object, then summon him once a day, kill him (he should just get unsummoned) and then summon him again the next day.

woah

[ambiguouscase.livejournal.com]

really...that has to be a prank.

Who hates you in Inglewood?!

[(Anonymous)]

whjo are you ?

[zellie-bean.livejournal.com]

Actually, you should be okay! I mean, the death threat is for a sir "emo-snal" not "emosnail." Maybe a demented cousin of yours?

Emosnal

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'd sure hate to be in emosnal's shoes right now.

Re: Emosnal

[zellie-bean.livejournal.com]

For serious. Maybe we should help watch his/her back? Form the Protect Emosnal Coalition? (PEC!)

Re: Emosnal

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

OR I could rat him out in hopes of getting on these thugs good side!

I'm sorry, this is too funny not to share

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

[02:16] Snail of DEATH: you're gonna injure yourself just by typing in this condition
[02:16] Snail of DEATH: you definiteyl need to leave a drunk comment to my livejournal!
[02:20] stunman007: oh nown ot a togod idea
[02:20] Snail of DEATH: brilliant idea rob brilliant!
[02:22] stunman007: haha
[02:22] stunman007: fiucjkn
[02:22] stunman007: fuine
...
[02:32] Snail of DEATH: did you just post the "who are you?" comment?
[02:34] stunman007: yeahi e
[02:34] stunman007: i';m an anonomyjmoputh motherufkcer
[02:34] stunman007: anonmymous
[02:34] Snail of DEATH: psh
[02:34] stunman007: io'm rob fuckeing piedersen
[02:34] Snail of DEATH: no make a better comment
[02:34] stunman007: excepmt anonymosu
[02:37] stunman007: ok i need ot lsepo
[02:37] stunman007: io'lo worok on the ocmment

[pavel-lishin.livejournal.com]

If you convert to judaism, your last eight days are going to be sore and painful. :(

Re: Emosnal

[pavel-lishin.livejournal.com]

I'd do it.

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

From praying? Yeah I have bad knees, I'm going to have to do a lot of stretching I think.

[insolent-pool.livejournal.com]

You missed at least one religion: classical Greek! Specifically, worship of Aphrodite! As such, I *highly* recommend you locate some priestesses of Aphrodite and worship to your expenditure. Preferably with multiple priestesses (hey, padding the book, right?).
Of course, such devotees may be difficult to locate on such short notice...
..thus I suggest you make a website in order to ordain new members into the faith.

[(Anonymous)]

From circumcision

--Ken Bloom
(http://www.daviswiki.org/kabloom)

[ashael.livejournal.com]

Jews don't kneel.

Oops

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

For some reason I real that as Islam rather than Judaism.