LJ Idol - Apathy - Making Fire

[aggienaut]

   New York, last November -- Sometime around midnight, I'm sitting in a bar somewhere in Brooklyn. My ex Kerri is sitting next to me and a guy who looks specifically like a douchebag yutz (a doucheyutz, if you will) is gratuitously hitting on her. Next to Kerri is her friend Claire, being hit on by some guy with a bushy beard. To my left on the other hand is a friend of Claire's, a girl who is decently attractive, single, and doesn't seem uninterested in talking to me. It's got all the right ingredients to spell out three happy couples, at least for the night, ... but I really just can't be bothered to put an ounce of effort in. Further the way the two lads are hanging onto every word the girls let out of their mouth like it's the most fascinating thing they ever heard is just sickening.
   Needless to say the girl presently went home for lack of attention, and I got to entertain myself in the lads' livingroom for the next 20 hours while the girls shagged their brains out. Eventually I decided Kerri's lad was actually a more meritorious person than her and was waiting for him to turn up as a friend of Kerri's on facebag so I could friend him too.. but they never did.

   It's been three years since I graduated college and moved back to Orange County (and Kristy broke up with me), and during that time I haven't met a single girl here worth dating. I don't even remember what it's like to get those butterflies or caterpillars or stinging wasps or whatever it is you're supposed to get in your stomach when you're utterly smitten by someone.
   "I'm so nervous! Are you nervous??" asked this lass Amber, during possibly the only date I've been on in OC in this time. No I really couldn't say I was a lick of nervous, but I did find it terribly endearing that she was getting all meta and breaking the fourth wall, so needless to say the date ended in the back of my car (and that's how I met Officer Terribolsi, a police academy classmate of my brother)*.
   Then I went to the Middle East and she was engaged by the time I came back.

   That's not to say I haven't dated anyone at all, just no one in this god forsaken cultural swamp known as "Oh See." I dated Kerri, who lived some 300 miles away in Flagstaff Arizona, Marla, who lived some 300 miles away in Davis, and the delightful miss Stacey, some 300 miles away in Santa Rosa. Apparently 300 is the magic number.
   With Kerri things eventually fizzled when after months I still wouldn't agree to any kind of a relationship, so she started dating some douchebag with dreadlocks (I bet he was even a vegetarian, that scoundrel!). Marla broke up with me after I passed through her town and neglected to drop her a line, oops (and ended up dating some utter shlemiel). And Staceytoes, we actually managed to seamlessly transition into just friends (though she still reminds me she's never going to snuggle with me ever again, rude).

   It's not that my love life is entirely marked with apathy, just that I so seldom feel any spark at all. I start to forget what it's like, or that it can even happen.
   Once upon a time in 2003 my friend Kristy was trying to set me up with her best friend Sashie, with limited success. We were all at a party at Sashie's place, and Kristy had gone missing. Sashie and I were in her room, possibly having just had a first kiss (I don't know, I don't think I was paying attention), when someone exclaimed that they could see Kritsy drunkenly wandering down below. I remember I was off like a rocket bounding down four flights of stairs to go find Kristy. Kristy had a boyfriend then, but some six months later when she didn't we'd find ourselves dating.

   I see fellows like those two skeezballs in NY, or say my friend Mark on any given night, with the ability to make the conversation and sparks fly with almost any girl and I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Should I be makin fire myself instead of just waiting for a spark to just happen to be there? Am I just unusually crotchety? Is the problem my black little heart of ice?

   But then, every now and then, I meet a girl with whom the conversation does happen to fly whenever we talk. It comes out of the blue, from someone I was never looking to fancy even -- so very very inconveniently far away. Nevertheless, now for only the third time facebook indicates I'm in a relationship. The second time was entirely an April fools day joke. This time it started out as a joke, I think. We pitched it to eachother as a joke I think. But neither of us knows anymore... it's well, it's complicated.
   But whirled is coming to visit in March, and after some shinanigans around this side of the United States we're going to go to New York and have shinanigans over there. We're going to have tea with destiny, and maybe even tea with Tea and Destiny. Maybe we'll even go to seedy bars in Brooklyn full of shlemiels ... but I doubt I'll have any trouble with a conversation this time in New York.


(whirled's corresponding entry)

Comments

[drippedonpaper.livejournal.com]

AWWW:)

I agree that whirled is a special girl:)

True connection IS very hard to find. I hope you both enjoy some shenanigans:)

(pst: that is how you spell shenanigans, if you want to change it:)

[elvenforever.livejournal.com]

Wow, how totally kewl. Congratulations!

You're a very unique person; it's unsurprising it's been difficult to find a girl with whom the sparks fly. You don't seem like a one-night-stand kinda guy either.

And yeah, Orange County was already too crowded and overwhelming back in the freaking 90's, which is when I moved home to Colorado and took up with my darling husband Sean.

[angelic-mystic.livejournal.com]

Great job, sweetie. You really like the work schlemiels don't you? I do, it's a nifty kinda word.

[plastrickland23.livejournal.com]

This is why I am glad to be married....Too many variables to muddle through otherwise. Married life can get dull, but the singles scene makes me feel apathetic too. If I were still single I'd be a crazy cat and dog lady I think.
P.

[cacophonesque.livejournal.com]

I've always found the conversation aspect so much more important than anything else. And the better the conversation, the more attractive I find a person.

Your voice in this was great--natural, humorous, open. It was a lot of fun to read and it felt like you were just sitting down and telling me some of your history.

And I would definitely love to have tea or beer with the two of you!

[colt-4-5.livejournal.com]

I could never understand why some guys had the ability to get just about anyone he wanted but others like myself sucked at talking to women. Crazy eh?

[colt-4-5.livejournal.com]

Then again, once u get married and have kids the amount of shenanagens seems to dissapear for the most part!

[tigrkittn.livejournal.com]

It's amazing when that "click" actually happens, and so futile to try and make something happen when it's not there!

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I hope you found a real connection :)

[furzicle.livejournal.com]

Aw, cute.

PS I love the way the girl's margarita (or whatever it is) has a guy in it!

[katscanx.livejournal.com]

Aww! Love the story. Also, love the links within the story, thanks for providing pictures and backstories! Best of luck to the two of you!

[gratefuladdict.livejournal.com]

Pimp status!! Hope you guys do wander through SF on your adventures! <3

[beautyofgrey.livejournal.com]

Dating is horrific. I hope you and whirled have a great time.

[onda-bianca.livejournal.com]

Ugh...I'm not into dating either. I hope you and whirled have a wonderful time together and keep your facebook relationship status the way it is. ;)

[teaberryblue.livejournal.com]

I haven't met a single person worth dating in about six years! So. And it is not for want of trying! I am not sure how this happens! But the only people who show interest in me skeeve me out and the people I'm interested in always turn out to be almost married or technically married or not at all interested in me.

I am glad you were lucky! And I will totally have tea or beer or whatever with you guys when you are here!

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

The spelling of shenanigans is shenanigans!!

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks (:

Yeah OC is a cultural bog.

I think part of the thing with girls is that I don't sit still, I'm always looking for the next adventure (employment / life wise) and after only a brief conversation covering the basics they get the general idea that I'm not about to sit still and settle down and lead the mundane life they are actually looking for. Whirlagig seems to share my hunger for adventure though (:

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

I love that word! :D

Whenever I find out Stacey is talking to another lad I'm quick to inform her that he's probably a shlemiel. (:

[elvenforever.livejournal.com]

That's a wonderful thing because you're right, most girls...most people...just want to settle. I had more of a hunger for adventure when I was younger. In my 40's, I find I like same and tame. It happens. *shrug and a smile*

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Yeah I was dating Kristy for 3.5 years. I kinda missed waking up on a random floor after a party after wild adventures, but ultimately the settled life made up for those things and it was nice to have someone to spend time with all the time .. as opposed to almost never having such a person now. d:

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

I've always found the conversation aspect so much more important than anything else. And the better the conversation, the more attractive I find a person.

Yeah I think it's absolutely critical. A gorgeous person can seem a total bore if they can't make conversation. That was my biggest complaint with Marla, she was totally gorgeous and cute and smart but we'd often have trouble keeping a conversation going. I remember one of the times she visited me down here I couldn't wait for her to get on the plane and go back just because I was so tired of the awkward conversation.

Your voice in this was great--natural, humorous, open. It was a lot of fun to read and it felt like you were just sitting down and telling me some of your history.

Thanks!! I'm really glad to hear that because hitting that voice right can be hard. (:

And I would definitely love to have tea or beer with the two of you!

Yeah probably beer! I said tea for tea with destiny joke (not that I don't like tea) but talking about beer with you guys in the green room the other day made me really want to go for beers with you guys (:

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Yeah Mark is ridiculous. To me he comes off as SUCH a skeezeball, like girls should see a giant neon sign over his head that says "BAD NEWS BAD NEWS" but apparently they don't. Every time we go out, he finds girl(s) and does that thing where he talks to them with this faux sincere fascination with everything they say ... and talks his way right into their pants by the end of the evening (and sometimes in as little as half an hour if he's lucked out and found a real easy one).

And like I said in my entry I'm left torn between "why can't I do that?" and "I don't WANT to do that!"

[cacophonesque.livejournal.com]

Yes! I've had the experience on multiple occasions of finding someone attractive until I started talking to them. For me, conversation is crucial. I like people who can talk for hours about anything and everything. Communicating, the exchange of ideas, connection...

It can be hard! Sometimes I try to hit it in my own writing, but I fear that I still come across as far too earnest.

Well, you can't pass up a good opportunity for some play with names. We do it ourselves! But yes, beers are awesome. And I love to go for beers with people who are actually enthusiastic about the complexities of beer. (:

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

I was dating Kristy for 3.5 years, and there was definitely something to be said about the constant companionship and always having someone around. But she didn't want to travel all around, and if we'd stayed together I know I wouldn't have done nearly as much adventuring as I've been so fortunate to do these last few years /:

[elvenforever.livejournal.com]

Well now in your life is definitely the time to do it. You'll probably slow down eventually, but that can wait until you've got a lot of living behind you. :)

Sounds like the ideal situation would be to have someone to adventure WITH, and maybe this is just the opportunity. :)