30 in 30 - 9 - The [s]Birds[/s] & the Bees
Jun. 9th, 2006 11:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aggienaut Alright ladies & gentlemen, it is time to have the talk. That's right, I've been meaning for awhile now to sit down and have a serious talk with you about the birds and the bees.
You see, last summer while I spent my time killing countless small furry animals, I learned a few things about a secret order some of us like to call Hymenoptera. What I mean to say is I'm going to tell you about the bees and the other bees now.
Honey Bees - Are actually more like orange & black than yellow and black if you think about it ... and believe me I had more than enough time to think about that. If they live in a man-made box its a hive, if they've made their own nest somewhere its a feral colony. Colonies are much more prone to diseases than hive boxes (as boxes allow them nice evenly spaces straight corridors for cleaning), and so bees thoroughly benefit from their interaction with man. And yet some fascist vegans refuse to consume honey for god knows what reason.
In what sounds like a classic science fiction story (only, its true) some mad scientist brought 26 Tanzanian queen bees to Brazil in 1957. They subsequently escaped and have created the entire "killer bee" population that has since spread up from there to the southern reaches of the United States. They really are not at all as scary as people make them out to be, just a little more defensive than more common Italian or Hawaiian bees (who spend their time riding vespas or hula dancing, respectively).
Incidently the difference between these bees was caused by natural selection. In Europe bees were primarily cultivated by beekeepers, so the more "userfriendly" docile ones were selectively bred. In Africa, however, sustainable apiculture (beekeeping) never constituted a significant portion of the bee population -- rather, honey was harvested by destroying hives (both by humans and animals), so the colonies that survived were the "meaner" ones. So... suck it creationists.
Hornets - Some people, especially the elderly, like to refer to any wasp-like insect from a yellow-jacket to a humming-bird as a "hornet." I really don't know where they got this idea. Hornets are an endangered species in Europe, and have never been wild on the American West Coast. So seriously shut up about them. Also, I found an amazing cinematic quality video of an epic battle between hornets & honey bees, I can't believe its for reals.
Wasps - There are two main types of wasps one finds here in California (and a number of rarer types). Unfortunately the wikipedia article on them sucks so I'm going to have to go entirely from memory here. First off, if you don't know the difference between wasps and bees (and I've found an alarming number of people don't), you are in my opinion an idiot and I'm not going to take the time to explain. The two main types of wasps here though are the Golden Umbrella Wasp (Polistes Aurelius) (which is yellow and orange), and the European Paper Wasp (Polistes Dominus), which is slightly smaller and more common than the Umbrellas. Dominus wasps have sharp construction-vehicle yellow-and-black markings. The two species act essentially the same so I'll talk about them together henceforth.
Now wasps look fricken scary, and whereas in elementry school I used to freak out my classmates by holding honeybees in my hands, I always gave wasps a very wide birth. Well it turns out they are actually the most pacifistic of the Hymenopterids I've had experience with, and will only sting you if you assault them personally. It could see you looting its nest and killing its children and if its not on the nest it'll just say "fuck that, make love not war" and go be emo.
Funny story time: once we got this call and the lady told our fearless leader David Mardner that every time someone rang her doorbell a wasp would come sting them in the face. Knowing that wasps are not aggressive like that, David dismissed this claim as clearly the product of hyperbolic wasp hysteria. He took the call, and arriving at the house proceeded to the door and rang the doorbell. A wasp came out of nowhere and stung him him the face.
Turns out the wasp nest was actually in the doorbell.
Actually getting stung by a wasp is so rare that despite being employed killing them for over a year, my coworker Jeremy had never been stung by one. He once expressed an interest in actually trying to get stung by one to know how it compared to other stings (he'd been stung by everything else already). What a nut.
Bumblebees: Now bumblebees, on the other hand, are fucking flying battlestations. Fortunately one only rarely comes across their secret lairs, and I never had a bumblebee call during the summer I worked as a bee buster. Bumblebees live in colonies of a few dozen up to maybe a hundred. To quote wikipedia "Often, mature bumblebee nests will hold fewer than 50 individuals, and may be within tunnels in the ground made by other animals, or in tussocky grass."
Jeremy once got a bumblebee call. It was on a hillside with small bushes. At first he couldn't find it, but then he stepped on a particular shrub and heard an angry buzzing sound that rapidly got louder. Suddenly a few dozen of these angry little deathstars launched out of the ground under the bush and set upon him. Bumblebees you see, can and will both bite and sting (and not die from stinging you), and are also capable of a certain degree of burrowing/tearing (I would of said they're closely related to Carpenter Bees, but Wikipedia is telling me they're no closer related than both are to honeybees, whatever they fucking look the same except Carpenter's are all black), so they'll land on your protective bee suit and start trying to burrow/tear a hole to jam their stinger in. Also I'd imagine they must have been somewhat resistent to our +3 nerve gas attack that kills other things immediately, because otherwise Jeremy would have made quick work of them. Jeremy sustained at least one sting in this encounter and he said it hurt and swelled up in a manner exponentially worse than the other stings he'd received.
Yellow Jackets: These guys are actually pretty underrated. I would have thought they were no worse than honeybees .. wrong. We get a call for yellow jackets, we call for backup. They're smaller than honeybees, so they are better able to get into any orifice they can find in your trusty bee-suit. They bite rather than sting, which just means a single one can get you about a million times more than a single bee could. Seriously, killer bee infestation: no problem -- yellow jackets: call for backup and break out the most potent chemical weapons.
Yellowjackets are actually a type of wasp, but they look more like skinny honeybees (that are yellow and black). Interestingly, they are carnivorous. I once saw one carting away a disembodied bee head from a destroyed honeybee colony. Morbid bastards.
Mud Daubers: Are another type of wasp. They build mud nests on the underside of eaves. Apartment complexes would pay us a 100 bucks to get rid of them, we'd show up and bat them down with our hands or a broom if out of reach. These things will not sting you, and actually, like the paper wasps discussed above, are beneficial to have around, since they eat less pleasant things like spiders, and pests that are harmful to your gardens. So we've actually talked potential customers out of having us kill wasps before (since our boss Dave actually loves insects, and the rest of us, we get paid whether or not we kill shit so no need to be malicious / waste time & chemicals).
So yeah, now you know. I actually find wasps strangely fascinating. I had two pet dead wasps named Romulus (a Dominus) & Vortigern (an Aurelius). Hey, people have butterfly collections, and no one says thats weird. I was going to try to collect a specimen of all the rarer types of wasp, but I only came up with this plan late in the season and didn't get a chance. Also I found a dead queen bee from a kill and placed it prominently in our office with a sign identifying it as "Queen Amidala."
Day 9 Pick: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
eazyt's entry concisely and effectively discusses a current issue relevant to the blogosphere. While it lacks in "the funny," so does this entry. And apparently a difference of opinion over the necessity of The Funny is partially responsible for the Otimus/Roter-Terror commiefascist jihad declared against me; but in my personal opinion an entry can qualify as megabloggery (& therefore 30 in 30 material) if suitably intellectual or informative.
Previously on Emosnail
Three Years Ago Today: Ambulence Rides Are Fun - Not really. The worst part about being jumped by three wanna-be gangsters and kicked in the head while unconscious was having an IV put in my arm. Seriously. Nearly hyperventilated. I don't like needles.
Two Years Ago Today: Delirium - RECENTLY DECLASSIFIED: I manage to thoroughly embarress myself by (1) writing a terrible paper at the last minute, (2) emailing myself the wrong version of it so that when I got to campus at the last minute I couldn't turn it in, (3) when I email the professor about this in my delirium I use the name of the author of the book I was using in place of the professor's name!! Oh man, awful. I was so shamed I friends-locked the entry, and that takes a lot.
Year Ago Today: Making the Paper - My 30 in 30 entry got mentioned in the local paper, beat that suckers! Sure say I'm not funny all you want, lets see you get a 30 in 30 entry mentioned in the paper. (=
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Movie Clip
Date: 2006-06-10 07:40 am (UTC)Also, is there a limit on the amt of taurine you can have? (I know theres a limit to *should*) Because I'm definitely going to hit 2 grams waking up tomorrow (8am final), among other stuff.
Re: Movie Clip
Date: 2006-06-10 07:45 am (UTC)I'd imagine you're injesting it in the form of energy drinks, in which case the limiting factor will probably be caffiene, which I believe the FDA recommends you not exceed 500mg of in a day, (six servings of energy drink; three 16 oz cans). Which beverage have you selected this evening?
Re: Movie Clip
Date: 2006-06-10 08:02 am (UTC)I'm not worried about a caffeine OD, instead I worry about cummulative sleep deprivation.... I recharged... thursday, but its been bad since then.
sleep deprivation
Date: 2006-06-10 08:07 am (UTC)Re: sleep deprivation
Date: 2006-06-10 12:52 pm (UTC)Re: sleep deprivation
Date: 2006-06-10 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 07:45 am (UTC)teh funny
Date: 2006-06-10 07:47 am (UTC)Yeah what makes the story really funny to me is that it wasn't just any random person --who'd probably be scared shitless-- but Dave, who going in had been warned it was likely to happen but was absolutely certain it wouldn't... and then BAM sting to the forehead!!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 08:40 pm (UTC)i must say, i thoroughly enjoyed this entry. i've had an irrational fear of bees since i was a kid, and i still do, though it's gotten somewhat better. i appreciate the information given here though.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 12:07 pm (UTC)Which is why all honey has little tiny bee pieces in it.. or "protein matter" . All I can say is "Screw the Vegans". I like my honey, damnit.
And you are incorrect as to the dirt daubers:
"Pest Status: Mud daubers (Sphecidae) and potter or mason wasps (Eumeninae) are solitary wasp species; although capable of stinging, they are rarely aggressive. Mud dauber nests can be a nuisance in garages, under eaves and in other buildings."(http://insects.tamu.edu/fieldguide/cimg334.html)
Their stings hurt. :-/
Paper wasps hurt. At least I think the little red bastards we have around here are paper wasps.. pretty sure. They're aggressive, if you come within 20 feet of their nest they start buzzing you. Sit still and you will get stung. Throw water on their nest and your flesh get's gang-raped by stings.
According to the Schmidt Sting Test, they're a 3 out of 4:
"3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of Hydrochloric acid on a paper cut."
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 12:06 am (UTC)"Whose the queen??"
"I'm the queen!"
"No you're not!"
"ahh!"
*homer crashes into ant farm*
"I for one welcome our new ant overlords, and remind them that a trusted TV personality can be useful in convincing humans to work in their underground sugar mines"
Our New Overlords
Date: 2006-06-11 01:03 am (UTC)Little Red Bastards
Date: 2006-06-10 08:26 pm (UTC)::rolls eyes mightily:: all I have to say is that accidental death of bees being crushed between frames is (A) completely analogous to the accidental death of countless cute furry animals that get shredded in grain harvesters & (B) in fact, because I personally --possibly as some kind of species-chauvinist-- value the lives of cute furry animals more than individual bees, I would say the animal death caused by grain harvesting is in fact worse, (C) in fact on further thought, there are countless grasshoppers and such on the grain that probably cause the death in grain harvesting to exceed the death in honey production in absolute terms.
And so I say unto ye vegans: unless someone is actually out there harvesting your food by hand with a scyth, its not free of death.
---
As to wasp stings, yes mud daubers are capable of stinging but really they're less likely to sting you than Mohatma Gandhi. By "nuisance" all I can imagine is that the webpage means that people find their mud nests an eyesore. I say suck it up.
---
"Little red bastards" interesting. We don't have any red wasps around here. Must be a variety of Polistes or another Vespid I'm not familiar with. I'd be interested in knowing what it is. Maybe see if you can find it here or elsewhere?
But yeah, if one throws rocks or water at a nest full of wasps they won't be happy at all.
Hah "Schmidt Sting Test." Sounds like Schmidt has an interesting job.
Re: Little Red Bastards
Date: 2006-06-10 09:02 pm (UTC)A) Agreed, although some harvest their own food.. still, insects are killed either way.
b) Agreed. Cows are neither cute, nor cuddly.. thus I highly support wholesale cowslaughter.
c) Don't forget the storage of such grain.
Even so, it's still not free of death.
I've been stung by mud daubers countless times. They're less aggressive than wasps, but for various reasons do sting.
We have two main form of wasp in Southeast Texas.. one that's red and *highly* aggressive, and one that's black and less so. Being within sight of a red wasp is a fair chance one will get stung (since you generally see them near their nest, which they guard aggressively)
I believe this is the wasp in question:
http://bugguide.net/node/view/581 (Polistes Carolina)
I could be wrong... but I know they have a red body (slightly dark), black wings, and build multi-sectioned paper nests. Often in garages or eaves. I believe I saw one earlier, I'll try to get pictures.
And sucks to be him :P
Re: Little Red Bastards
Date: 2006-06-11 01:01 am (UTC)Sounds like I'm not familiar with either type of wasp you have. Mail me specimens!
But yeah, both P aurelius & P Dominus I've gotten really close to them (albeit wearing the bee suit) and have only rarely had one actually try to attack me. I'm pretty sure they go apeshit if you attack their hive while they're on it though -- but we use a nerve agent on them (literally) so all they do when we attack is fall to the ground dead. But usually one or two will come back from elsewhere and see us cleaning up their destroyed nest and they just look at us like "wtf?!" and maybe a single tear rolls down their cheek. Wow I forgot I'm still in the paranthesis)
Re: Little Red Bastards
Date: 2006-06-11 01:15 am (UTC)Dirt daubers are fairly pacifistic, but I think they grow aggressive during their mating season. There are times when you can just walk among them with no harm.. and then times when one can get stung three times in a day.
Then again, it could be a reaction with pheramones and/or UV dyes?
As for red wasps.. they're vicious. I can usually walk among them without getting stung.. but it takes some action on my part: they act like moths to a flame. But with stingers. Stick around, and their action turns from "hey, let's bump into him as much as possible!" to "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!".
Although many a time they come after you with stings first.
They hurt more than bees or hornets.
:(
I am also aware that we have two forms of hornets here. At least that's the colloquial term. I'm relatively certain the ones that nest in the ground are hornets, but the other kind that buids the huge paper nests, I'm not sure whether it's yellowjacket or not.
Ground hornets are the most fun to kill. I of course live in Texas, so we use kerosine. Lots of kerosine.
Re: Little Red Bastards
Date: 2006-06-11 02:02 am (UTC)The ones in the ground are more likely to be yellowjackets, if thats not a term you guys use over there, as yellowjackets make subterrainian nests and are almost the same as the "bald-faced hornet" (which is nevertheless a wasp not a hornet, technically speaking).
We had one call that was "metallic sand-bees," though we didn't know that at the time. All we knew was that it was weird green wasps that lived in little burrows, and wasn't particularly aggressive.
Anyway, but yeah actually if you could mail me a specimen I'd actually find that very neat. Hopefully it survives transit. Yeah raid is alright, since their distinguishing features are on their exoskeleton & wings, neither of which is particularly damaged by raid chemicals or decomposition.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 02:16 pm (UTC)Dude, The Pope, & Satan
Date: 2006-06-10 08:07 pm (UTC)Re: Dude, The Pope, & Satan
Date: 2006-06-10 08:11 pm (UTC)I'll let you know if they end up filming it :D they just finished doing a mockumentary of snuff films and crashing the Bruce Almighty 2 auditions asking the people in line to be on the "Jim Zarling EXPERIENCE!"
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 04:16 pm (UTC)Are sponsored account holders freeloaders?
Why? Because they have ads on their blogs?
Countless websites are able to provide useful services for people sponsored by nothing more than ads- ever done a search on google? Read a penny-arcade comic? Tried to bring your fiance over from another country?
Ads are a successful business model that makes the web go round, and enables much of the web to provide services at no cost to us.
If anything, you should concentrate on rewarding those who use text based ads (Ads by Google for one) and ignoring sites that rely on flash ads with sound, etc. As the consumer and user it really is in your power to just not visit those sites- as (unlike voting in a presidential election) every click you make does count.
If the average click on the ad recieves 10 cent, the revenue generated from these ads will never ad up to the 20 dollars it takes to buy a paid account.
Finally, let us not forget that despite the cute goat and fun posts and lighthearted attitude they shrewdly throw up on the main page, livejournal was sold long ago and is now a big business, and it was sold for lots of cash.
If anything, the people who are paying for paid accounts are just lining the pockets of the owners- sponsored accounts (especially those who own web browsers capable of ad blocking) are the ones who are getting the last laugh.
(Sorry for the double post)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 03:43 am (UTC)The Sponsored Economy
Date: 2006-06-11 03:52 am (UTC)And yeah, with firefox's amazing adblocking powers, I can just laugh my maniacally at all attempts to show me ads. The more the merrier in fact, because it takes costs off me!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 03:41 am (UTC)Kris, i cant even express how much i loved this psot and how interesting it was. Thank you for all the time and enegery put into it.
feral colony THATS WHAT THEY CALL WILD KITTEN COLONIES.
Cat Colonies
Date: 2006-06-11 03:55 am (UTC)Also, incidently, the semiofficial name of the place Kristy works is "the Cat Colony." The more official name is "Cat Barn," which is pretty silly itself. At least it says "C-Barn" out front, I guess that might just mean its the third after A Barn & B Barn... though working in "A Barn" is pretty funny too.