Compare / Contrast

[aggienaut]

   As a break from continuing to try to tweak the existing statement to perfection, I decided to write a whole new one that integrated everyone's suggestions from the start (or at least tried) and/or tried some completely new arrangements.
   Someone had mentioned at some point to write it "like an opinion." When writing opinions for the ASUCD court I never had any problems because I didn't stress about following silly rules, and aimed to get right to the point without extraneous writing. If I felt like writing a one sentence paragraph, then I did and didn't fret. And I think they turned out very well. So I tried to write this version the same way.

   This version is not meant to replace the existing statement but rather try out different ways of expressing its points (for example I wouldn't include the headings in an actual statement). If you could be so kind as to read this and compare/contrast the way it says things and is ordered with the previous statement I would be extremely grateful.

THIS VERSION --- CURRENT "real" VERSION.

   The emphasis and special programmes of Willamette University College of Law make it my top choice law school. I have a passionate interest in international law and conflict resolution, and I believe Willamette’s emphasis on these areas will allow me to maximally hone useful skills in these areas for use in a successful career.

I. Background
   My past experience illustrates an enduring interest in these areas and propensity to be successful at activities involving them.
   As far back as high school I knew I wanted to be an International Relations major. I was involved in Model United Nations throughout high school and spent all of my sophomore year in Sweden. In spending a year abroad I particularly enjoyed experiencing a new and different culture and society and it further cemented by determination to pursue a career in which I’d have many opportunities to experience different cultures.
   In college at UC Davis I majored in International Relations (emphasis on Peace & Security), with minors in Communications and Political Science. In particular I was fascinated by ongoing conflicts and attempts to resolve them. When I picked up the Communications minor I was deeply interested in the theories of what underlies such intractable conflicts and tactics to resolve them that we studied.
   I continued to participate in Model United Nations throughout college. As a delegate I preferred committees which delt with international law (topics such as “The Legal Status of Detained Unlawful Combatants,” “International Liability for Unintentional Transboundary Damage Arising from Legal Activities,” & “The Applicability of Diplomatic Immunity to Persons Accused of International Crimes”), or topics where countries would have conflicting goals and compromise would be necessary. Additionally I enjoyed the challenge of arguing for policies I didn’t necessarily personally espouse. I usually won awards.
I was also invited to chair frequently, doing so at about twenty-five conferences by the end of college. In 2006 I was asked to be the Secretary-General of the ~200 delegate American Pacific (AMPAC) conference in Anaheim, California. In this capacity I was in charge of selecting, training, and coordinating the pre-conference preparations of about a dozen staff, and handling any issues which arose during the three days of conference.
   I was also involved with the student government of UC Davis (ASUCD) throughout my time there. With a $9.3 million operating budget and about a hundred people actively involved in the government alone, ASUCD is a relatively large student government which a lot of people involved take very seriously. By my second year I had distinguished myself as a clear-thinking and unbiased individual and as appointed as one of the eight associate justices of the supreme court of ASUCD. I immediately became involved with the court with such enthusiasm and judiciousness that I was made the chief justice two months later while still the most junior member of the court.
   As Chief Justice I had substantial duties administering the court, training new justices, presiding over hearings and deliberations, and working with other elements of the student government. With such a large student government we had many interesting cases, dealing with issues such as government transparency, power relationships between various bodies, government control of the school paper, and elections issues. I found that I greatly enjoyed researching real-world precedents for our cases, debating legal concepts with colleagues, and drafting formal opinions.

II. Aspirations
   Through my past experiences I have become convinced that I want to pursue a career in international law. I hope to someday work for the International Court of Justice, the International Criminal Court or some similar international law body.

III. Willamette
   Willamette’s “International & Comparative Law,” “Law & Government,” and “Dispute Resolution” certificate programmes will give me an opportunity to focus on the aspects of law that interest me the most, and prepare me for the career I desire. I believe my enthusiasm for these subjects will be a boon to other students and contribute extremely positively to Willamette.

   * I even decided to forego the courier font on this entry for those of you who complain about it. (=

Comments

[neugotik.livejournal.com]

i like it. I know someone who got into Harvard, as an avid runner, they wrote their application from the viewpoint of thier shoes & got in. Creativity counts.

------------------
this version is _much_ better

my only 'open question' after reading this really is upon this sentence:
" I usually won awards."
like... what ?

It begs to know ;)
nicely done, btw.

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

Yeah that was kind of awkward, I tried attaching it to various sentences with little luck. Hmm. Awards in MUN are usually "Best Delegate," "Outstanding Delegate" and "Distinguished Delegate." I've got all sorts (and I can't remember the last conference I didn't get an award at ;) ), any suggestions on what I should say about that other than "I won awards"?

[neugotik.livejournal.com]

er,... "I was appointed "best delegate" &/or "outstanding or distinguished delegate" on many occasions."

?? hard to say if there isn't a "known award" for the field. If you can cite such as "xyz" award" it helps otherwise perhaps drop it as extraneous? Better to be clear then vague. This is a soft-area - your call.

[mia76.livejournal.com]

oh awesome. you want to work for the ICJ/ICC.

off topic

[mia76.livejournal.com]

thought you'd like this:
http://internationaljustice.rnw.nl/

[nibot.livejournal.com]

This version is so much better, it's as if it were written by a different person. I give it an "A". Maybe an A+, but I haven't finished my beer yet.

Are you going for a J.D.? This bit about "certificate programmes" has me a little confused, but that's just domain-specific language.

"Extremely positively" sounds a little funny.

[emosnail.livejournal.com]

Yeah going for a JD, the "certificate programmes" seem to be as in "A JD with a certificate in" See http://www.willamette.edu/wucl/programs/ and specifically http://www.willamette.edu/wucl/innovative/certificates/international/ for example.

[nibot.livejournal.com]

I guess the real question is, are you going for the ", Esq."?

[nibot.livejournal.com]

I know what you're trying to say, but one might consider it erroneous to refer to Sweden's as a "new culture".