aggienaut | Wild Rivers Adventures

   "you write some pretty harsh stuff in your livejournal... I'm glad I'M not mentioned in it" -Jennifer Holst. "Haha, you obviously haven't seen yesterday's post yet" -Me.
   So this annoying deepguard Pooyah has asked me at least fifteen times if I work tomarrow, along with everyone else and its starting to piss everyone off. So Pooyah rotates me and then I rotate Jennifer- her: "you have the most devious look on your face!" Me: "I just asked Pooyah if he was working tomarrow.. he was like 'shuttup!!!!!'"
   Later I get on break... an RA: "Break room is closed." Me, overjoyed: "why?" "there was an accident on wahtubee" "so they... closed the break room? Like: omg there's a lady hurt on wahtubee, CLOSE THE BREAKROOM!" "no they took her to the breakroom" "wouldn't that put her life MORE at risk??" Seriously, our break room is disgusting.. you know its bad when hearing that the break room is closed and I therefore don't have to eat in there is GOOD news to me.
   Then supervisor Andrew Donaldson comes in: "hey Kris rotate Brandy when you get off break" "Randy???" "Brandy" "There's a Brandy here??" "You've been working with her all year and you don't know who Brandy is??" Yes, that is true Mr Donaldson. Similarly while talking to Jennifer earlier she mentioned me not knowing anyone's names and I pointed to a nearby deepguard whose jacket says "princess" on it and said "for example I haven't the slightest idea what this guys name is." Keep in mind there are only 23 deep guards.
   Around 7:30 there are always all these 13 yr olds that go around talking to all the lifeguards. Two such afflicted me.. I do my best not to talk to anyone if I can avoid it. Them: "Do you like working here?" me: ::thumbs up:: Them: "Do you want to go home?" ::shrug:: ... fast forward a few questions: "how old do you need to be to work here" ::shifty eyes:: no way out of this one, so I say my first word to them: "fourteen" them: "you have an accent!!" yeah thats why I avoid speaking.

   So in case you haven't noticed I was bored at work today and had way too much time to plot this livejournal entry.
   So I got to thinking about that random "your livejournal sitcom!" thing everyone is posting.. and what my life really WOULD be like as such.. who would play who.... I decided it would have to be a movie... The sequal to Jackson's List ("a movie about one cartoonist's struggle to amuse a vast apathetic campus"). Title? SOC Punk (South Orange County), or maybe just Orange Country since I despise the existing movie of that title and so would pretend it doesn't already exist and steal their title to show my lack of respect for their abomination. As you will notice, my thoughts so far tremendously revolve around Wild Rivers.. cause well.. I was there when I was doing this thinking. Some of my thoughts on the subject:

Casting:
Croat: Patrick Stewart heehee
Brandon the Gay Poser: Vin Diesel, just because it would be soo funny
Mike the Horrible Human: an animatronic robot, or possibly a muppet.
Matt Christie: Charlie Sheen
Wild Rivers owner Mike Reidel: that Bill Lumbergh guy from Office Space.. ummmm yeah
WR general manager Gregg Briggs: the Godfather
Aquatics Director Kevin Kopeny: Mike Meyers (Dr Evil style)
Deepguards: Themselves. But they'll all be drunk the whole time. For a select few this will be a highly unusual experience, for many it will be more realistic.
Ride Attendants: will be cardboard cutouts, with a few exceptions.
Supervisors Jeff Whetstone and Ryan Carter: Will be played by the same person. Whetstone will always be wearing his infamous speedo.
other suggustions very welcome
Other:
   Any beer consumed or portrayed to be consumed will be steel reserve. For those who habitually drink something else, it will be steel reserve with like "budweiser" written on it in sharpie.
   The Wild Rivers break room will have a big sign on it that says "CONDEMNED (biohazard!)" but "breakroom" written on a peice of paper taped over this sign.
   There will be random flashes to either my little brother in bootcamp, which shall actually all be taken from various war movies like Saving Private Ryan, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now and Forrest Gump. Yes definitely Forrest Gump. Or similarly my best friend Aaron in the coast guard will be covered with random flashes from pirate movies.
Plotlines:
   I'm not sure of the overall plot, but here are some segments:
   It will portray how wild rivers breeds employees; they hatch at age 9 and have season passes to wild rivers every day until they are 14, at which point they become RAs or GAs (Guest Assistants); they proceed to breed like mad with eachother during the employee parties, but then after about a year of working at wild rivers anyone is definitely rendered impotent. This controls the employee population, which otherwise would soon mushroom out of control at their breeding rates.
   Deepguard Pooyah will be kept in a small cage while not working. He will eventually freeze to death in Bazooka Bowls and die. Deepguard Hillary will eventually fall into the wavepool, get sucked into the intake, and cause the whole thing to explode, destroying the park.
   At diedrichs, Mike the Horrible Human will eventually get caught by The Man and a fierce gunbattle ensues. He'll be about to escape, when some randomass passerby decides its a good idea to fling a 40 of ~~natty ice~~ steel reserve into the street and it hits Mike.

   I'll work out more of the story later hopefully. Any ideas are very welcome.