Integrated Pest Management

[aggienaut]

   Eddie walked across the hazy room, cigar smoke diffusing the light in tones of sepia. He slid the little speakeasy door open just a crack, and could feel the crisp night air licking in through it.
   "What's the password?"
   "Mousetrap" comes the answer from the other side of the door, in a somewhat bored tone.
   Eddie quickly opened the door to let the man in, and closed the door behind him. A warm yeasty smell like hot oatmeal wafted off the newcomer, who hung his fedora on a hook beside Eddie's, and his coat by the door, before following Eddie to his large wooden desk. Eddie sat behind the desk, facing the rest of the room, while the newcomer took a comfortable seat in front of it, and ran a a hand through his dark hair, which was all combed over to the left.


   "How are things down at the brewery, Lorenzo?" asked Eddie, putting his feet up on the desk.
   "Oh coming along very well, we've got another mash run ready for distillation tomorrow."
   "Oh good, good." Eddie took out a cigar and lit it. "I'm running into trouble getting you more corn and barley."
   "How's that?" asked Lorenzo.
   "Police Chief Batelin is on to us, I think I'll need to have him knocked off."
   "You can't find another way to get the materials around him?"
   "No, and its no good trying to bribe him either. You don't understand Enzo, people gotta get wacked for us to do what we do. Maybe you wouldn't hurt a fly, but if it weren't for me making the hard decisions here, no one would ever do anything in this town." Eddie puffed at his cigar thoughtfully. The flowery aroma wafted around the room.
   "Heh. I've hurt a fly before" Lorenzo chuckled. "You remember my first job was actually as an exterminator?" asked Lorenzo, getting up and going to the bar.
   "Oh yeah, I'd completely forgotten you did that. But you're like the nicest guy ever, how were you an exterminator?"
   "Oh, its just business." says Lorenzo, returning with a glass of water. "I might love animals, but this particular animal, these mice or rats I've been called in for, they're a health risk, they've gotta go. So I kill them as humanely as I can, it's the least I can do."
   "oh. well. I guess its different with animals. When me or the boys take someone out, you pretty much gotta mess with them a little first, you know. It's a real rush, kinda fun once you get comfortable with it."
   "Yea exterminating was never like that. It was about solving a problem. If I met an exterminator who enjoyed killing animals, I'd think him a psychopath."
   Eddie laughed heartily at this. "Well, that's why you do what you enjoy, the brewing and distilling, and I do what I enjoy."
   "You actually enjoy it?" asked Lorenzo, with some alarm, glancing at the dull chrome pistol on Eddie's desk.
   "Well, sure. There's always such an adrenaline rush. And it's like winning a game, every time. Guy's looking down the barrel of your gun, you both know the score." Cigar smoke swirled around Eddie like a halo.
   Lorenzo sipped his water thoughtfully. "Well, you were always the competitive one."
   "And if I didn't do it, like I said, I don't think anyone else in this town would have the balls, it would just be Johnny Law's town. No gambling, no loansharking, no drinking, no whoring, my whores would probably all run away!"
   "Hey pass me that coaster?" Lorenzo gestured at the thin wood disk across the desk, and Eddie passed it to him. Lorenzo placed his glass of water on it, beside the pistol on the table, and picked up the pistol. It felt heavy, cold, unfamiliar, in his hands.
   "Yep that's my baby," Eddie said with a grin, "she and I, we've really changed this town."
   Lorenzo weighed it in his hand, and then held it out in front of him, looking down the sight at Eddie.
   "Hey, careful, that things loaded you know." Said Eddie casually. Lorenzo had none of the malice in his eyes Eddie associated with an intent to kill someone, but having the gun pointed at him made him slightly nervous nevertheless. Lorenzo had a curious look in his soft blue eyes, like he wasn't looking at Eddie but some an object.
   "You've always been a good friend Eddie."
   "What?" Eddie was slightly taken aback by this non-sequitur comment.
   Lorenzo pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang, and the smell of gunpowder. Eddie's head jerked back and then fell with a thud forward onto the desk, as a pool of blood quickly spread under it. The cigar lay smouldering on the floor. There was a splatter of blood on the wall behind Eddie's chair. Lorenzo stood up and reached over to check Eddie's pulse. Satisfied, he placed the gun back on the table, and walked around the table to snuff out the cigar with his foot. He then finished his glass of water, walked to the door, and put on his fedora and coat. He turned off the lights, and left the room.

---

As always, concrit welcome, esp before the 5pm PST deadline. (:

Comments

[magenta-girl.livejournal.com]

I really really like this. There are a couple of syntax things and a missing comma I might change but the piece as a whole is excellent.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I feel like it really should be longer, and I crammed a little more desc in before the deadline, but I can't really think of anything to add to substantially lengthen it that wouldn't just be useless filler d:

[x-disturbed-x.livejournal.com]

I really like this one!

And who doesn't love someone wearing a fedora? ;)

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

:D

[faerie-spark.livejournal.com]

Fun story. The dialogue feels a little off...I can't really hear people talking that way. This line, in particular, doesn't sound like something someone would say: "Oh yeah, I'd completely forgotten you did that. How could you?"

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I tried to fix it real quick before the deadline. Unfortunately I'm not actually really familiar with the film noir / thigns that take place in the thirties genre so that probably limited my ability to write dialogue that really put the reader there /:

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

Once an exterminator of vermin, always an exterminator of vermin.

[katscanx.livejournal.com]

This!

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

:D thanks! Yes that was exactly what I was going for. (:

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Lorenzo recognized exactly what Eddie was, even if Eddie himelf didn't see it.

[katscanx.livejournal.com]

Really dig this!

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (:

[furzicle.livejournal.com]

See me.
P. S. Fabulous!

[kagomeshuko.livejournal.com]

Nice entry!

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (:

[kajel.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed this.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (:

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Liked it.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm rather disappointed its doing much worse than I expected in the polls, much worse than I usually do! /:

Also I had wanted to ask you for any tips on the kind of gun a mafioso would use, and or any other advice on the mafia trope in general, as its not my usual thing..

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Definitely one way to stop a murderer; but he's going to have a much harder time explaining a person than a mouse. Hopefully the law will go easy on him.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

I considered having him make some kind of effort to conceal his fingerprints, but decided he wasn't going to make any particular effort to hide it. In my head the police know that Eddie is a total dirtbag and decline to really pursue his killer.

[furzicle.livejournal.com]

Good point. Maybe he'll get thirty days of trash pick-up for his crime.

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

A nice read..:)

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

I was sort of wondering about that, when he said he’d been an exterminator. And you gotta wonder which works better. Either way, though, for sure, now the job is done. Nice job with this. I’d almost forgotten you write fiction on occasion. Keep it up!