It's all in your head.

[aggienaut]

July 2nd, 2009 -- In the rolling golden hills of Riverside County, California, my boss parks the pick-up truck in the middle of a large square of which rows of beehives make three sides. Upon opening the door the oven-like heat of Riverside County immediately hits us. I stretch after the long car ride, but one doesn't want to look idle for more than a few seconds with my high strung boss around, so I walk to one end of the rows of beehives and start walking along the row looking at the entrances. This is the first thing I always do, a quick look at all the hives to see if any have no activity, a pile of dead bees in front, or something similarly alarming.
   A bee stings me in the hand, but I casually scrape out the stinger with my thumbnail as I continue walking. The hives are stacks of boxes painted either white or pastel blue. The blue had originally been a mistake, having bought cheap paint from the "oops" bin at the hardware store we had only found out when we were ready to paint that it was blue. We decided to go with it, and as a consequence, the bee yards now rather reemble a smurf village. Another be or two stings my on the arm as I walk along the second side. So far everything is good, all the hives are buzzing busily with no dead hives.
   Any time a bee stings you, it releases not just more of the "alarm" pheremone, but the stinger that is stuck in you like a harpoon is emitting a "sting here" pheremone. I always picture it like some scene from a war film where they've managed to mark a target for airstrike with flares. As such, the number of stings you receive tends to go up exponentially as each additional sting encourages more. As I reach the end of the second line of hives I'm hving to constantly scratch off stings, it's becoming quite a nuisance. So I decide it's time to put on some protective gear. I look towards the truck, upon which I will find the suits, but it is not there. My boss has evidentally driven down to where there's a water pump at the other corner of the property, to get water for the bees.
   No worries. I calmly start walking towards the middle of the square. Walking at a brisk pace is usually sufficient to keep the bees mainly behind you. I've never seen any research on it but anecdotal evidence and my own observations tends to indicate bees are more likely to become agitated if you lose your calm. Certainly swinging arms wildly trying to swat bees is entirely ineffective and does seem to convince surrouding bees that you truly deserve to be stung. If I were to run I might trip and hurt myself, but moreover if seen by my boss I would bring professional shame upon myself worse than any amount of bee stings. So I calmly walk to the middle of the square, while calmly but quickly scraping off what stings I do receive. When I get to the middle and my boss has not yet returned, I commence walking in a broad circle to continue to leave the bees mainly behind me.

   And then it happens.



   Something that had never happened to me before.

   You see, it turns out, bees fit perfectly inside your ear canal. Suddenly I can hear every bristly hair of a bee, as well as the papery crackle of its wings, the scrape of its six legs against the interior of my ear. And of course, I can also feel six little scrabbling legs. The sound of anything else in my right ear is suddenly obstructed as if I had water in my ear.
   My professional calm is suddenly cracked by this psycological terror. There is a bee in my head! It is traveling inward towards my brain. For a moment I'm unable to think through it being stopped by my eardrum or whatever, I just know there is a large insect in my head.. I think there's something deeply subconciously terrifying about the buzzing of angry bees. Otherwise brave people find themselves running in terror from a single bee. As a beekeeper you train yourself to overcome this gut reaction ... but when the bee is actually inside your head it's all of a sudden once again not something you've prepared yourself for.
   There wasn't enough room to get my fingers in my ear and pull the bee out. I felt helpless to remove this terror boring into my brain. I imagined it stinging me inside my ear, thus dying in there are my ear swelled up around it. That seems like something that could cause some horrific infection, possibly requiring surgery.
   Because it felt a bit like water in my ear Ii tried to do what I would do about water in my ear -- I tilted my head so that side was towards the ground and hopped up and down on one foot. The bee continued to scrabble in my ear, its hair and wings making crinkly cellophane noises in my head. It didnt' want to be there either but it couldnt' turn around, and it's six little legs gave it more than enough purchase to note be knocked out of my ear.
   After a vigorous hopping proved quite ineffective, I had to stop for a moment and try to clear my head. Clear my head of the thoughts anyway, so I could maybe proceed to clear it of physical bees. What did I know about bee behavior that could solve this problem? Other bees buzzed angrily around me but I by now didn't notice them at all. Bees usually climb upwards if they are stuck somewhere. So I resolved to do the counter-intuitive thing. I stood perfectly still and tilted my head so the bee-ear was upward. I tried to relax my jaw and other face muscles, so the muscles around my ear wouldn't be constricted. And I stood there, motionless and as relaxed as I could make myself. Bees droned around me like little warplanes. They stung my on the arms, they stung my on the cheeks. I didn't scrape them out. I didn't swat at them. I didn't clench my jaw. I closed my eyes and took deep calming breaths.
   this is like some fucked up zen exercise I thought to myself, picturing a scrawny bearded zen master telling me to be calm as bees sting me. Miraculously, I felt the bee backing itself out of me ear. up, up, and it was out! It flew off much to its own relief no doubt. I looked around, the truck was trundling back up the hill. I commenced walking in broad circles.

   All the rest of the day I could still feel those six little legs scrabbling in my ear.

Comments

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Wow!
I'm allergic to their stings, so this really would be a nightmare for me!
Glad it worked out OK for you in the end.

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Super creepy! I had the heeby jeebies all day afterwards really

[daphnep.livejournal.com]

Great story! Great ending. Nothing good to add, so just: *applause*

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks (:

[livejournal.livejournal.com]

Hello! Your entry got to top-25 of the most popular entries in LiveJournal!
Learn more about LiveJournal Ratings in FAQ (https://www.dreamwidth.org/support/faqbrowse?faqid=303).

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Ack! Vivid description but still, ack! I’d be terrified!

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

OK...this is a great story but it terrified me. I have had a real phobia all my life of stinging creatures and yikes! I could just feel all those stings you were getting and the bee crawling around inside your ear.

*shudder*

(But very well written!)

[wpadmirer.livejournal.com]

Okay, that will give me nightmares.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Wow! That would have scared me! I can just imagine the sound of the cellophane wings crinkling in your head. Well done!

[calzephyr77.livejournal.com]

Whew! What a story! I'm glad it was win win for both parties :-)

[maju01.livejournal.com]

How terrifying!

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

holy shit. I had a bad bee sting story too but nothing near as bad as that one.

[zhelana.livejournal.com]

AHHHH! Worst nightmare!

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

LOL. Well written antecdote! Sorry about all the stings, tho!

[d0gs.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you had this experience!! *hugs*

[cocojewels.livejournal.com]

that was horrifying.

[richaarde.livejournal.com]

Ack! There is no way I'd be able to keep my cool if that happened to me.

I got stung by three bees at once when I was five, when our family went to Poland to visit my grandparents. My grandfather used to keep bees as a hobby, and made honey.

Then when I was 12 we went again, and I got stung again. I got stung in the forehead, which made my forehead swell. My parents told me that the swelling changed the profile of my head enough to make me look like a different person. It didn't look like obvious swelling, it just made me look like a different person.

[stress-kitten.livejournal.com]

Oooooh... that would have been extremely disconcerting! Good for you for regaining your calm and getting yourself out of that situation.

[blueyonderdream.livejournal.com]

That was an intense read! You did well to stay that calm! I’m terrified of being stung by a bee... thankfully I never have been!

[lyssa027.livejournal.com]

I once walked into a bee hive when I was younger, this brings back those memories

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

Oh, goodness, this was a nightmare, and your behavioral knowledge, quick thinking, and nerves of steel saved you - you really are some kind of a super hero! I'm awestruck. I've been stung about 3 times in my life, that I can remember, and one of them I think was by a wasp, because I remember catching a last minute sight of it, and it didn't look like I would have guessed a bee should look... an unusual shape and unanticipated colors... it was that sting that caused me to swell up to the point my Dad had to wrap the spot in meat tenderizer, then practically drown me in a cold bath of ice water, and sent my brother running a mile away to the neighbors (neighbors are a mile away when you live 18 miles out in the country) horse farm to get adrenaline. I don't know what raising horses has to do with adrenaline, or how my Dad knew they would have it, but I was glad he had been a boyscout and a marine and knew how to safe me from a hospital visit that day. I've actually since been stung another time by a normal looking bee that found itself very out of place (what the heck is a bee doing under a chair in a high school choir classroom, anyway???), with no adverse reactions, so, hopefully that was just an isolated incident. I hear people find strength in muscles they never knew they had when it comes to having to work to save their lives or the life of a loved one.... I guess maybe it's the same with finding your inner calm when absolutely necessary? I certainly hope so. Thanks for sharing this fabulous tale!

[weebleswobble]

oh man! when i was a little kid a bug flew in my ear and got stuck. i remember crying and freaking out because there was a BUG in my EAR and everyone was like no theres not. my older brother had me lean over the sink and poured a glass of water in my ear and out washed the bug, i saw it float down the drain. i dont think i could calm down and be still while a bee was crawling around in my ear. mega kudos to you. *shudders*

[banana-galaxy.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh that's terrifying! There's no way I'd have been able to figure out that solution, but then, I have no bee experience.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Well, Eeee.I'd heard that you shouldn't step on a yellow jacket or wasp, because that releases more of the pheremone that tells the rest of the hive to sting you. But I'd never heard that it was in the stingers themselves! That hardly seems fair.

A bee in the ear is a formula for panic, and I'm impressed that you were able to keep so cool-headed. Especially with the constant auditory reminders of the horror of that situation. :O

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Just piatee anonymously by accident.

Wow! Talk about counterintuitive! I can't imagine staying calm in that situation.

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

What a great story! I love your tales. The bee "smurf village" is a wonderful image. I can't imagine just "brushing off" bee stingers; those things can hurt. My worst experience with stings involved a wasp nest on the other side of a fence that needed some minor repairs. I couldn't see the nest and hit a nail a few times before the wasps hit back. I also once had a bee fly into my mouth while I was riding a bicycle. I immediately spat it out, so no sting.

[favoritebean.livejournal.com]

Yowza, that was terrifying to read.

[flipflop-diva.livejournal.com]

OMG! This sounds like my worst nightmare. Even all those stings. *shudders* I'm just glad you were able to get it out of you. Yikes yikes yikes!