Expect Fallout

Panelling With Candidates
   ASUCD senate candidate panel was today. With twenty candidates sitting at the table in the coffee house I think this election may have more candidates than any other ASUCD election I can recall. Having run for senate twice myself it brought back memories (this icon is from a candidate panel) and made me sad that I'll never be on the candidate panel again (Like U.S. President Taft, one proceeds from the presidency to the supreme court, not vice versa and certainly not to a lower office. (= ). I think greater dialogue between the student body and the ASUCD government can be accomplished by having a panel of currently sitting ASUCD officials field questions some time mid term... that way I can have another chance to enjoy the panel experience and make saucy references to "the catsup/mustard conflict."

   Candidate Robert Baron as usual used a shocking amount of profanity, eventually leading to his microphone being cut out in his final statement ("Can you finish your last fifteen seconds without using profanity Robert?" "No, sorry, I cannot do that"). Thats all good and well right? But see, candidates from the Students for an Orwellian Senate Slate (SOSS) asked the elections committee to provide them with a list of words they could not say, and they refused!
   If you're going to refuse to provide a list of words that cannot be said, you cannot cut people off for saying words you don't agree with.

DISCLAIMER: the elections committee has been clearly and purposefully set out from the jurisdiction of the ASUCD Court, so whatever we may say about the committee here absolutely cannot be considered a potential conflict of interest for the Court.


   Because the elections committee hosts pictures of the candidates on the voting page, the attractive females always get elected. I'm not saying they shouldn't host picture --it does help to recognize people and whatnot-- I'm just saying that its kinda lame that the attractive girls are so advantaged, and moreover, it leads to my next saucy point: to highlight this point it occured to me that I should get Kristy to run.
   Kristy, you see, has absolutely no interest in being a part of student government or any of that. But if she ran, I'm willing to bet $50 she would get elected even if she puts zero effort into it. If only I could convince her to do so, a point this saucy is a shame to pass up.


The Fascists Among Us
   Its come to my attention that certain individuals around here are so narrow-minded that they cannot tolerate those who simply don't believe the way they do as strongly as they do. Its one thing if one cannot tolerate those who believe the opposite of oneself, but to actually hatefully deride those whom one feels aren't adament enough about one's "correct" opinion is to be fascist and despicable.
   Please note that being "open minded" primarily refers not to a position on the far left of the political spectrum so much as a willingness to tolerate ideas different from ones own. A liberal can still be a fascist (bolsheviks were, for example), and in modern cases tend radiate a fair degree of hypocracy on account of their fervent belief that they are "open minded."

   I don't believe that any particular ideology or position on the political spectrum is inherently correct and better than the others, and if this mentality is reprehensible to you, then you should probably remove me from your list as well.


Further Indictments
   In completely unrelated news, after reviewing several years of reports of the peculiar antisocial behaviors of one Courtney "Courtbutt" Gertler, I would like to declare her an enemy of the people, guilty of treating her friends like crap, overwhelming selfishness, taking enjoyment in the misfortune of her friends, terminally bad behavior, and serial rudeness, among many many other counts. I hereby declare that she should be sentenced to spend the rest of her life wallowing in the bogs of the UC Davis quad.


Picture of the Day

The Day The ASUCD Coffee House Went On Strike   During ASUCD's C.S. Lai administration, tension between the ASUCD government and the rank-and-file student came to a head when the Coffee House went on strike against the ASUCD government over the budget. Also 2002 I think.
   On the left you'll find viral communist John Green wearing camo pants and hoping the CoHo strike will lead to a general people's revolution and class warfare. Slightly right of that it appears a stout man is about to collide with an asian woman (both of whom appear already enraged).
   Sign with the letters that didn't show up says "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," a reference to changes the senate had made to the CoHo during budget hearings that employees didn't appreciate.

Some Satire

Yasser Arafat: Dead?? Not Dead?! Undead!!
Paris, France - Conflicting reports have been filtering out of the military hospital containing Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat regarding his condition for the better part of a week. World leader's have accidentally announced their condolences at his death only to find out later that he's officially still alive. On Wednesday however, all parties have finally come to a compromise: Yasser Arafat is undead.
   "This certainly solves the debate over where he would be buried" a Palestinian official commented. Authorities at the French hospital reported that they would be releasing the undead Arafat back into his natural habitat later on this week. While it appears the undead leader will probably no longer be involved in Palestinian politics, an individual close to him reported "he wants to fight for a homeland for the un-alive now, a place where the life-impaired won't be second-class citizens anymore and will no longer be subject to prejudicial attacks and oppression anymore ... at least thats the impression I got from his moans and grunts." A friend of Mr Arafat confirmed "they prefer to be called 'the un-alive' rather than 'the undead.'"


Bush Replaces Ashcroft, Claims Radical Conservatism Was Just A Joke
White House, Washington DC- Earlier today it was announced that controversial attorney-general John Ashcroft will no longer be serving with the Bush administration. Bush explains "that radical conservatism my administration formerly espoused? Yeah that was just to get me re-elected. Seriously that was some crazy talk." In a speech remarkably lacking in grammatical errors, Bush went on to announce that the United States will be signing the Kyoto Protocol and other environmental agreements, and that he'd actually recently met with several influential Iraqi rebel leaders, including notably Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and over tea, crumpets and an evening of watching television they settled their differences.
   "At one point we were flipping through channels and Degrassi came on. Abu Khalid became enraged and promptly took a nearby cocktail waitress hostage, but I was able to convince them it was an entirely canadian production and they calmed down." As a result of this sudden turn-around, violence in Iraq has come to a stand-still.
   "I'm still going to have Michael Moore arrested on trumped up charges and sent to a forced labour camp though" Bush was later heard remarking to an aid.



But Really Now
   Kristy and I will be heading down to Orange County tomorrow morning and staying there until Sunday.