How to Write a Bee Attack Article

   Yesterday at work I perused countless articles on bee attacks in order to find more sources to cite in my own press releases and such. It quickly became apparent that most of them were about pretty much the exact same thing: people get stung by bees, writer includes a brief overview of the Africanized bee situation, a few quotes are thrown in, the end. Pretty standard really. In fact, so standard that I decided to create a standardized guide to writing bee attack reports (which if followed closely, will actually make the article a lot better than most).


   SO.. you are a reporter, you have been assigned to write up a recent bee attack, and you have found your way here (This was crossposted to my new google-searchable blog). Congratulations, you already appear to be doing more research than most!! Simply follow the following grading rubric to epic success! (the percentages noted refer to the relative importance as if it were being graded. Thus we can use this rubric to look at already-written articles and objectively compare just how bad they suck)

Newsworthiness - up to 33% of total (is your article even really newsworthy?)
(1) Obligatory title that is a pun involving the word "buzz." - Reporters never seem to be able to resist such gems as "the buzz on bees" or "locals buzzing about bees" (we would never do that here of course). For use of a bad pun as a title I actually give minus 10% to your article.
(2) Did anyone get stung more than 10 times? 10% per person up to 33%. 15% per child or elderly woman.
(3) Were any dogs killed? 5% per dog (up to 33%)
(4) Were any people killed? 33%
(5) Other - "Man stung by bees, then hit by car," "Man stung by bees, falls into agricultural thresher and killed," and "Pest control called out to kill bees surrounding homicide victim so police can investigate" were all articles I came across yesterday. Something really odd like this could give the newsworthiness of your article a bonus over 33% (making up for your otherwise bad writing)

Research - up to 33% of total
(1A) Have you cited any entomologists? Offhand I can think of and recommend UC Davis entomologis Dr Eric Mussen, UC Riverside entomologist Kirk Visscher (just do a name search at the respective schools for their contact info), Dr Steven Theones. Orange County (CA) Ag Commission Entomologist Nick Nisson is also a popular local choice but I don't have any personal experience with him. 22% (or you could you know, cite me. thats totally bonus) ;)
(1B) Or did you just cite whomever was on hand dealing with the bees? - Goodwork, they were probably either a general pest control operator who thinks of bees as giant flying ants, or a hobbyist beekeeper who might just be a crazy hippie. 0% (you call that research?)
(2) Have you explained the difference between Africanized and European bees? 11% ( Apis mellifera scutellata etcetera )

Education - up to 33% of total - including these useful tidbits will give your article some redeeming value
( Yadda yadda )

   Unfortunately, the two most recent bee articles at the OC Register scored a -25% and -20% on my grading scale, respectively. I may have to readjust it.


   Also yesterday, I went undercover to a local bee supply store which Dave has declared a jihad on. I went in and pretended I knew nothing about bees and was interested in getting into it in order to see what they were telling people. Also, bought a hive from him.

(no subject)

So whats a good blogging client? All I'm really looking for is one that'll allow me to write entries and set them to post at a specified time in the future. Beyond that, just ease of use. (For the purposes of researching corrolations between time of post and comments/received)