The Agrinautica

   So I had a fun weekend, more on that when I have time to make a suitable update (and get some pictures up).

   I spent this evening reading about ants on wikipedia, because I'm a nerd like that. Ants you see are extremely closely related to bees (relatively speaking. they're in the same Order (Hymenoptera)) so I'd been wondering for awhile if they exhibited a number of traits I know bees have.

   It turns out that new queen ants do go on mating flights (yes flights, the queens and male drones are born with wings) just like bees. Then the drones die (just like bees). Unlike bees though then every mated queen ant finds somewhere to start a nest by herself. Digs a hole and starts laying eggs.

   Read up on army ants. Apparently we have them in the United States but no one notices because the species here are smaller and travel in smaller swarms and mostly at night. In Africa "driver ants" can kill people ... but they only travel 20 meters an hour so one can usually escape. There are species of birds that specialize in eating the insects fleeing in front of moving army ant swarms in South America ... and species of insects that specialize in eating the droppings of these birds!

   One thing I didn't know about army ants is many species, particulary the archetypical one have no permanent nest. They make a nightly nest out of the living bodies of their workers!!

   Also: "Members of the species has been observed using their bodies to block potholes in a path between the nest and prey. The ants will each walk to a hole and measure themselves to see if they are a fit for it and if they are, will lie across the hole to allow other members of the colony to cross at higher speed."


   Jack jumper ants (not a type of army ant) in Tazmania have a sting that can be lethal to humans and annually cause more deaths in Tasmania than spiders, snakes, wasps, and sharks combined! (such sauce!!)


   And speaking of stings...
Schmidt Sting Pain Index (full article)
   This (completely mad?!) scientist named Justin Schmidt apparently made an index of the level of painfulness of 78 species of Hymenoptera. This of course begs the question ... did he purposefully get himself stung by all these insects?!?!
   His reviews read like he's reviewing gourmet food or a fine wine:

1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.

   Last night (Monday night) was the most fun I've had in months.

Studiousness
   It started out with me adamently doing my best to get a lot of homework done see. Then Kristy called and we wanted to see eachother but I was like "I only have time to like say hi and give you a hug pretty much" cause I was determined to get hella work done.
   Then Jill (remember, my roommates are Jill and Adrian) starts talking about how much she loathes living with girls and how bothered she is that she'll have to live with girls again next year (She's transferring elsewhere). This somehow culminates in her agreeing to take a shot.


An Offer I Can't Refuse
   Now see, Jill NEVER drinks. I was just about to resume working but now this was an extraordinary event that required my full attention.
   But alas we had no alcohol on hand it turns out! For this amazing opportunity I was willing to go so far as to go on an alcohol run, so the four of us scamper to Safeway asap (this is like.. 11:30pm?).
   Due to rampant peer pressure and in order to encourage Jill's drinking, I say I will drink as much as she does. Needless to say its only a matter of time before we've all had a number of shots. Then we call a mutual good friend of all of ours (well Jill has ironically maintained previously that she wasn't nearly as excited about him as the rest of us). He shall remain anonymous for reasons soon to be illuminated because a number of persons in Davis who may be reading this know him. He comes over shortly however and joins in the drunken bonding


In the Name of Science
   Since Jill had never had more than three shots before and didn't know whether or not she was a "lightweight," we all felt a formal scientific inquiry was in order. Therefore, I took notes:

 2415 hours -- 1.5 shots -- observations: ears reportedly tingly; nostalgic/whimsical; no redness (perhaps not "the redness type")
 2.75 shots -- observations: "that one tasted worse"; ears not tingling this time; didn't notice Kris eating Adrian's sandwich; accusatory and harsh (very) [very was added five minutes later after further observation]; inconclusive redness; mild paranoia & introspection; sensitive hearing; asked "didn't I never tell you that?"; "misterpeted"; brutal honesty; "just getting around to things I've been meaning to say"; distorted sense of time; APATHY [written in all caps at Adrian's recommendation]; confusion regarding [NAME WITHHELD]'s identity!!
 2448 hours -- 4.00 shots -- observations: "taste is getting progressively worse"; a bit mellow, & some memory loss (2458 hours); brutally honest; (2538 hours)
 2538 hours -- 4.00 shots -- observations: "honestly I feel it much less than when I started"; has moved on to wine; is eating apple; "can't let my apple go to waste;

NOTE: I am aware that 24 hour clock systems restart at midnight with 0000 hours; however I choose not to "reset" the hours until I've gone to bed and my day has officially ended.


"Can't Let My Apple Go To Waste"
   Sometime after uttering those words Jill and our good friend [NAME WITHHELD] suddenly and unexpectedly scampered off to her room never to be heard from again that night, though [NAME WITHHELD] had some pretty impressive hickeys the next day.


Conclusion
   In one evening the five of us killed a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine, and a small amount of rum, and more importantly our dear Jill drank more than she ever had before and had a rare and sudden hook-up with one of Davis' most sought-after boys, and everyone involved (well I haven't interrogated Jill since) agreed it was the most fun they'd had in a long long time.

   Incidentally one of the main causes of my need to study, a paper due thursday, has been postponed five days. So we all live happily ever after.


Quote of the Evening
   "...even though you're my friend, I'd rock you like a hurricane..." -Adrian, to Jill.